We have waited through a sparsely-populated next-gen release schedule since the end of November. Gamers are not traditionally known for their patience. We scream for updates, map packs, car packs...whatever we want, we want it right now. What the next-gen folks want right now are new games. Since we are in the shadow of next week’s Titanfall release, only the PS4 owners get a new next-gen game this week. The rest of us will have to...wait. This week we get some more girl on zombie action, South Park pokes the old consoles with a stick, and Mac users finally get to play last year’s Formula 1 game.

Awesomenauts Assemble (PS4)

Sony finally delivers on what their next gen audience has really been waiting for: a futuristic side-scroller. Way to harness the power of the PS4, Romino Games! This highly anticipated title will be available for download on PSN on March 4.

F1 2013 (Mac)

I know what you’re thinking: Sarcasmo made a mistake in the title, that should be F1 2014. Nope, Mac users are finally getting behind the wheel of last year’s Codemasters game that nobody is playing. I wanted to review this game last year, but game discs are still not available in North America. Mac users would be better served using their device to create a strongly worded email to Codemasters describing what huge dicks they are.

South Park: The Stick of Truth (PC, PS3, Xbox 360)
 
Trey Parker and Matt Stone deliver on the South Park newness. The Stick of Truth, written and performed by Matt and Trey, developed by Obsidian in association with South Park Studios, brings the long-delayed Stick to PC, PS3, and Xbox 360 this week. Original publisher, THQ, went away, so Ubisoft picked up the slack. Obsidian scrapped plans for a next-gen release of this turn-based RPG, so what you see is what you get. A powerful artifact was stolen in the town of South Park and it’s up to the boys to save the day. Expect to see Jesus, unicorns, aliens...and probably some cows. This one hits your old hardware on March 4.

The Walking Dead: Season 2 Episode 2- “A House Divided” (PC, PS3, Mac)

Episode Two continues the story of a little girl who loves zombies and the grown ups who don’t understand her. Carver tracks down Clementine’s new group of survivors, forcing the group to relocate. Apparently, he’s the type to hold a grudge. Telltale is very good at making these episodic games, so don’t miss it. Available for download on PC, PS3, and Mac starting March 4.

If you played any of the previous Lego games from Traveller’s Tales then you pretty much know what to expect. If you saw any of the Marvel movies, especially The Avengers, then you pretty much know what to expect. The game is called Lego Marvel Super Heroes...what did you expect? That’s not to say there aren’t a few surprises along the way. Don’t discount this title as a movie tie-in as it does have it’s own storyline and it’s a good little game to boot!

Did you hear that?

Traveller’s Tales Lego games almost always entertain me. My first experience, probably like many others, was with the Lego Star Wars games. It was as if chocolate met peanut butter but in game form...and with Lego and Star Wars. The game was light, fun, humorous and, for me, set the standard by which I judge all other Lego games. I loved how they were able to tell the story through simple minifig body language. The key to those games and others was that you knew the story. You didn’t need the words to move it along. The environments and characters were familiar and when you minifig shrugged or tilted his head you knew exactly what they were saying. 

Then Traveller’s Tales broke that “magic” when they introduced voices into Lego Batman 2. At first, voices from my minifigs was a tough pill to swallow. In fact, I had a hard time playing it at first and I kept putting it aside. It dawned on me one day when I was watching my nephew play the Star Wars game why TT added them. My nephew knew the Star Wars story and knew in a basic sense what he had to accomplish to get past that mission. These newer games had new untold stories and I could see how that might leave the younger players lost. I finally accepted these little plastic people talking to me and other characters in the game so when I first loaded up Lego Marvel Super Heroes and heard voices such as Agent Phil Coulson’s (voiced by Clark Gregg) it was a pleasant surprise.

Pleasantville

That is actually how I could classify this entire game; it’s a pleasant surprise. In my opinion, Marvel as a universe on whole always had a lighter take on its characters and storylines than it’s main rival DC. If I were to compare Lego Marvel Super Heroes against Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes I would say the same thing. This game is light, fun, doesn’t take itself too seriously and maintains the better game play elements from previous games. It doesn’t try to do anything radically different but in this case that is perfectly fine. I remember constantly dying in the Indiana Jones games trying to jump to a swinging rope or onto a ledge. I wasn’t timing it wrong, I was off the sweet spot by what seemed like a fraction of a millimeter while the camera angle continually worked against me. Those games became a chore to slog through quite quickly. Not once did I feel that way about Lego Marvel Super Heroes. 

The story is basically several Saturday morning cartoon plot lines back when Saturday morning cartoons were good. League of villains trying to takeover and destroy the earth. League of good guys banding together to stop them. Through the course of the main missions you will play as Iron Man, Hulk, Wolverine, Spiderman, Thor, Storm, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Mr. Fantastic, Human Torch, The Invisible Woman, Black Widow, Hawkeye, The Thing and more (watch for a recurring cameo). All uniquely voiced and all with distinct personalities based on their comic book personas. 

Always look on the bright side of life

This is still a Lego game so their minifig personalities are based more on the lighter Marvel Universe comics than the other more mature versions of themselves. That should be expected as this is a game geared for kids, and the kid that thrives in some of us “older” kids, and it enhances the fun. The dialog between characters is ripe with inside jokes and even some more geared for the adults. When Director Fury commands you to get those gosh darn snakes off his gosh darn helicarrier or goes into a Pulp Fiction type rant I couldn’t help but smile and chuckle. When The Human Torch comments that the rainbow bridge leading to Asgard just makes him want to race (which is exactly what I thought when I watched the first Thor movie) I had a good little laugh mainly as I can’t stand that Rainbow Road level in Mario Kart. The best lines aren’t all saved for the heroes, the villains have a few of their own as well.

Typically when I play these games I break everything I can to make sure I get 100% of the studs needed and as many extras as I can find. I play this way so that when I play with my kids, who only like playing in free play, a number of characters are already unlocked and the mission becomes secondary to just having fun. This time, while I tried to get 100% of the studs needed I also tried to stick to the mission at hand and not venture off. When I finished the game in about 12 hours I had just over 20% complete. It isn’t a long game when looking at the main mission alone but that other 80% leaves a lot of game left to explore.

Below the line

There are a few disappointments with this game. Same couch co-op is there, like many other Lego games, but for some inexplicable reason online co-op is absent. Why would that be left out? This is the perfect game for online co-op and Traveller’s Tales included it before on other games so there is no reason why it couldn’t happen with Lego Marvel Super Heroes. Playing couch co-op is what I love to do but the rotating split screen has got to go. It sounds like a great idea on paper as it gives you the whole screen to work with but it will work against you more than a number of times while you play. As the split rotates around to follow you or your partner's character, the camera shifts as well forcing you to continually adjust aiming or you’ll risk suddenly losing sight of your target. In Free Play, which is all about changing to the right character, the selection screen flips to whatever side of the screen you are on or plunks itself in the middle. More than once Mrs. Soup and I cursed this scheme while we played. While the character selection is color coded it never seemed to pop up where we expected it would. 

Lastly, the control scheme seems off. Normally, this hasn’t been an issue in most Lego games but for some reason I had a bitch of a time controlling my minifig when walking, flying or driving. At their normal pace everything was fine but when they all of a sudden get their giddy-up you had to hang on for dear life. I found myself, more often than not, easing off as soon as the minifig sped up. This annoyed me as many a time you had to walk your little yellow avatar to the next mission. I have an issue with walking in games from point to point to start a mission. I understand that there are many side missions to be discovered along the way but I should be able to just choose the next mission without wasting five minutes getting to the next start point. I know, five minutes....”stop whining Chunky”...but when my game time is getting harder and harder to carve out of my day that extra 20 minutes or so of just walking is 20 minutes I could use to finish a mission, pick up the dog crap in the backyard or do the dishes to earn some all important brownie points with Mrs. Soup!

Final Verdict

All in all, besides the points listed above, this is a fun game. Given that Lego Marvel Super Heroes can be found for $30 or less at this point I recommend picking this title up-especially if you enjoyed other Lego games, have kids and want to play with them, have something they can play together, enjoy the Marvel universe or all of the above.

Sarcasmo ought to be happy this week; it’s a good week for gamers that features quite a few different gaming genres. We finally see our first AAA title, Titanfall, on a next gen system and early reviews indicate it’s going to be as good as advertised. This week also features the next installment in a notoriously difficult RPG series, a couple of puzzle platformers, a combat archery title that encourages you to punch your friends and the return of Nintendo’s favorite dinosaur, Yoshi.

Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky (PS3)

The 15th installment in the Atelier series, Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky, drops on March 11th. Players can choose to play as one of two different characters-Escha Malier or Logy Ficsario-each featuring its own distinct story perspective and gameplay. Who will you choose? 

Constant C (XBLA)

Constant C, a 2D puzzle platformer, features a tiny robot and his quest to leave the challenging environment where he finds himself stuck. Many obstacles lie in wait as deadly traps to prevent our tiny hero’s escape. Luckily, our robot friend has a couple of tricks up his sleeve: the ability to rotate the world around him at any time and the ability to manipulate time in his surrounding area. Rotate a room to walk on its ceiling to circumvent the traps that surround you or release blocks frozen in stasis to reveal the path to freedom. Bone up on your puzzle solving skills beginning on March 12th.     

Dark Souls II (Xbox 360, PS3)

An unfamiliar world, a new hero and storyline and the same excruciating and punishing difficulty make this game a must have for fans of FromSoftware’s hardcore action RPG series. Dark Souls II is as equally unforgiving as its predecessors. Dying in this game costs you health; dying too much sees your health at 50% of what it once was. Success in this game is predicated on managing your deaths. Good luck. Try your patience with Dark Souls II beginning on March 11th. 

Titanfall (Xbox One, Xbox 360, PC)

Considered to be one of the first AAA releases on the Xbox One, Titanfall hangs it hat on what the developers at Respawn, many of whom cut their teeth at Infinity Ward, do best-kick ass multiplayer! Play as both the nimble pilots-who use their jet packs to wall climb and maneuver through the surrounding environments-and Titans-20 foot robots called into battle from the sky by their respective pilots. New perks and gear are available for both your pilot and Titan as you gain XP. I played the Titanfall beta and highly recommend it-especially if you are a fan of excellent 6v6 multiplayer! Titanfall drops for Xbox One and PC on March 11th. Xbox 360 owners must wait until March 25th to get their copy. 

Towerfall: Ascension (PS4)

Towerfall: Ascension is 1-4 player combat archery platformer that features fast and furious combat archery. The game is “best played competitively with friends, cross legged on the floor within punching distance of each other.” Play arcade co-op or hilarious, intense versus matches beginning March 11th.

Vessel (PS3)

Developed by StrangeLoopGames, Vessel is a 2D puzzler set in a world overrun by living liquid machines called Fluro’s. Arkwright, as their inventor, must now stop the chaos his machines wreak on his world. Vessel’s liquids and physics are the foundation of its gameplay and the keys to your success. Each liquid in Vessel possesses its own unique properties while Fluro’s possess their own unique behaviors. You must solve the games puzzles by combining the Fluro’s unique behaviors with the fluid they are made from. Got it? Vessel drops on March 11th.  

Yoshi’s New Island (3DS)

The third installment in the Yoshi franchise brings back the classic Flutter Jump, Ground Pound and Egg Throw gameplay mechanics while adding several new gameplay elements. Yoshi can now throw both Mega and Metal Eggdozers, transform into a submarine or jackhammer and, given a special star, transform into Super Yoshi granting Yoshi the ability to fly or run on walls and ceilings. Get your platform on with Yoshi’s New Island beginning on March 14th.    

The view from the ledge of the clock tower, home to the master thief Garrett, shows a city in distress. Dissenters are being hanged in Stonecutter Square, a plague called “The Gloom” is ravaging the population, Moira Asylum is overrun with terrifying creatures, and Baron Northcrest is up to some evil and twisted shit. What this city needs is a hero; what they get is a thief.

Friction in the Workplace

The master thief and his impetuous protege, Erin, are off to steal a gem for a client in the prologue. Erin, resentful about Garrett’s preaching, and Garrett, preachy over Erin’s resentfulness, start squabbling on the roof of the job site which attracts the local guards. Shit goes downhill very quickly and Erin falls to her death. Garrett wakes up one year later being carted into town by a couple of beggars, which also goes downhill very quickly forcing Garrett to slip away in the shadows. Garrett reconnects with his old fence to sort out what happened in the time he lost and to discover Erin’s fate. The master thief has some work to do.

A Thief and His Tools

Garrett has an established reputation in the city, and his wanted posters are everywhere and, no, you cannot tear them down. Garrett starts off with a bow and a lockpick set, both of which can be upgraded later. The bow is ideal for taking out enemies at a distance, which is handy because Garrett is the world’s worst melee fighter. The fact that he refuses to carry anything more deadly than a blackjack only further compromises his combat usefulness. I guess it’s honorable to drive an arrow into someone’s head as long as you don’t use a sword. Garrett has access to some nifty arrows with a variety of uses: water arrows put out torches, choke arrows knock out dogs and birds and extinguish flames, fire arrows ignite flammables, blast arrows explode, broadside arrows make holes in guards, and sawtooth arrows make larger holes in tougher guards. Garrett also uses primitive flashbangs and can hurl bottles for a distraction. The blackjack is used to knock out folks from behind. It’s almost useless in actual combat, so don’t let it come to that: the loading screen is quite lengthy if you let him die.

Garrett can also purchase a razor, wrench and wire cutters from the arrow vendor outside of Basso’s office. The razor allows Garrett to liberate paintings from their frames, the wrench opens grates and the cutters disarm traps. You should buy these as soon as you can afford them. Garrett’s claw, procured from Erin in the prologue, is used to access those hard to reach places.

Experience gained can be used to upgrade Garrett’s abilities. These upgrades can also be purchased from the Queen of Beggars, who acts as sort of a sage for the master thief. She holds court just around the corner from Basso’s place of business.

Players utilize the clock tower as Garrett’s stash box and base of operations. Any unique or particularly valuable items are added to Garrett’s collection in the tower to be fawned over at the player’s convenience. Basso sends birds carrying messages to the tower on a regular basis.

First-Person Stealth

Thief was developed by Eidos Montreal, the company responsible for bringing us Deux Ex: Human Revolution, and published by Square Enix. Like Deus Ex, Thief is a very dark and shadowy game. The city itself is under a perpetual supernatural nightfall, which works in Garrett’s favor. Keep Garrett in the shadows for maximum effectiveness-extinguishing torches and candles when possible. Thief provides players a light meter in the bottom left of the screen that indicates whether Garrett can be seen or not. 

Garrett’s trail for the truth takes him through the run-down wood and stone streets and rooftops of the city, into the Baron’s mansion, inside a brothel, down to a couple of underground cities, and into the bowels of a mental institution. Some environments include puzzles that must be solved to progress, but nothing too mentally strenuous. The game borrows the level-grading system from the latest Splinter Cell game, rewarding players for either being sneaky, opportunistic, or predatory. Some bonuses can only be taken advantage of utilizing one of these three particular play styles.

Sarcasmo Says

As far as stories go, Thief tells a pretty good one. I felt genuinely motivated to both progress the plot and pick up side jobs from Ector and Basso. Most of the performances felt appropriate for the time and personality of the the character with one glaring exception: Garrett. Our master thief is unenthusiastically voiced with a modern, non-regional American dialect, making him stick out like a sore thumb. The protagonist should never be the least interesting person in the game. 

Level progression is fairly steady as long as the player is in predator mode. Going stealthy drags the game to a near standstill while crouching, waiting, and timing movements. Since Garrett is not a particularly gifted fighter, and players are rewarded more handsomely for being stealthy, Thief can be a very slow-moving game. The introduction of supernatural elements to the series may cause some Thief veterans to cry foul, but it didn’t necessarily spoil the game for me.

Final Verdict

Thief gets points for environments, story, gadgetry, NPC performances (the Thief-Taker General in particular) and providing gamers with an authentic and interesting atmosphere in which to do business. However, the game’s crawling pace, lackluster protagonist performance, and limited replayability force me to advise waiting for a sale. It’s a good game, it’s just not a great game.

Another week of new releases and still nothing I actually want for my next gen console! This week features both remasters and special editions. There are a few new titles from established franchises for Xbox One and PS4 but none that strike my fancy.

Final Fantasy X/X-2 HD Remaster (PS3, Vita)

Do you want a remastered game for that next gen system that’s now last gen?! Apparently Sony and Square Enix think you do! Updated versions of Final Fantasy X and X-2 are available March 18th for PS3 and Vita. You can relive the wonderful J-pop soundtrack with slightly updated graphics!

Infamous:  Second Son (PS4)

The third Infamous title hits Playstation 4 on March 21st. Woohoo, another entry into the exciting genre of parkour games! The game’s protagonist Delsin is a 24 year old slacker graffiti artist with authority issues. Second Son doesn’t sound like my thing but everyone else I know says the other games in the franchise were pretty good...

Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes (Xbox360, XboxOne, PS3, PS4)

Is that Escape from New York era Kurt Russell on the box for this one? The first half of Metal Gear Solid V-Ground Zeroes hits consoles in North America on March 18th. Metal Gear Solid V was originally supposed to be released as two games-Ground Zeroes and The Phantom Pain. MGS V’s long development cycle means The Phantom Pain will release at a later date. The game promises to be less on rails and also has new features to integrate with smartphones.  

South Park: The Stick of Truth Grand Wizard Edition (Xbox 360, PS3)

South Park: The Stick of Truth released in North America on March 4th, but you can own the Grand Wizard Edition for twenty extra dollars on March 17th! It consists of a KIDROBOT Cartman figurine, a map of South Park and special armor for in game characters. Being a sucker for physical media and really annoyed my disc copy didn’t even have a freakin’ book, I kinda wish I waited. I am already playing through working on a review so I guess my shelves overburdened with action figures and my wallet win in this time.

Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

It’s hard to keep track of how many Ninja Gaiden games there are. Even Tecmo gave up trying and just named this one Z. It’s a third person hack and slash that promises both ninjas and zombies! Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z hits PC's and last gen consoles March 18th.

The Xbox 360 is an amazing machine. I watched movies on it, used it to share achievements to Facebook, communicated with friends across the world over XBL, bought and played games without having to leave the house, watched other people play games, accessed YouTube, and even used it to surf the interwebz. I kept it clean, maintained it, and added parts to soup it up. Now I have a new machine in the man cave, and I feel like I parked a brand new Corvette next to my old Camaro. My new machine does more, looks better, and outperforms the old machine in almost every way. However, I am not ready to put my 360 up for sale or cart it off to storage just yet. The old girl still has plenty of life in her, but her relevance is waning and she is no longer the Queen of the Streets. So to honor the achievements of my beloved Camaro I invite you, dear reader, to sit shotgun as I take a drive to some of my favorite places that the 360 has taken me. These are the 10 games that, for me, defined the Xbox 360.

Bioshock

I led my silent protagonist into an underwater Ayn Rand dystopia, met a nice fellow with an Irish brogue and a family in peril, got juiced up on some plasmids, and made my way to the medical center of Rapture where I came face to face with my first Big Daddy. After I dispatched the big guy I was presented with a moral choice about the fate of his Little Sister: harvest the girl for her Adam, destroying her in the process, or cure the girl, receiving only a drop of the stuff in return. The nice man on the radio urged me to harvest her and assured me that the Adam would be necessary to save his family and escape the city. There was also a lady German doctor who reminded me of the girl’s humanity and ultimate importance. Although I have happily played the villain in numerous games, I could not bring myself to destroy the squirming, dirty little girl that I held firmly in my grasp, and found that the paltry drop of Adam was enough to get me by.

As I progressed through the game, I spliced away my humanity one shot at a time until I became the most terrible thing in Rapture: the deadliest Big Daddy of them all. In Andrew Ryan’s underwater paradise, no one is who I thought they were, even me. Especially me.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

Infinity Ward dropped this bombshell of an online military shooter back in 2007, and it is now considered to be the FPS archetype that almost every modern shooter patterns itself after. Modern Warfare innovated the killstreak, airstrike, cover and heal, multiplayer XP, and the three position stance. I would like to say that it changed the way that online teams worked together to accomplish a common goal, but the backstabbing bitches willing to fuck their team over for a better K/D ratio was much more prevalent. This is also the game that introduced the word “camper” into our modern vernacular: we had them before, we just didn’t have a name for it.

This is the game that convinced me that online multiplayer shooters were not for me: I had a hard time differentiating friend from foe, I died a lot, I was laughed at, and I was cussed at by thirteen year old punks. Nothing tests my patience and temper more than being called a “faggot cunt ni**er” by some kid who hasn’t had his first shave yet. However, I was very good at the single player campaign, which in turn helped my foul-mouthed preteen son destroy campers and confused dads like me. Iconic moments such as the shootout at an abandoned Russian amusement park and getting nuked to death are standouts in a game that excelled both in online gameplay and single player satisfaction.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Although Skyrim is the fifth game in the series, Bethesda’s glitch-riddled masterpiece stands out as the very best. Focusing more heavily on player choices than Morrowind or Oblivion, players could choose to be the good guy, the bad guy, or the very bad guy. Playable beast classes, like the Khajit and Argonians, were able to utilize the same armor used by humanoids, dual-wielding was improved, and there were fucking dragons. Dragons, I said!

Skyrim added powerful shouts, obtained from the souls of vanquished dragons, to an impressive arsenal of weapons and magic to transform the Mighty Sarcasmo Fjones into the most formidable hero, or villain, ever to ply his trade in the land of ice and snow. The opportunity to become either a werewolf or a vampire was an added bonus, and the two excellent DLCs were icing on the Cake of Awesomeness. For those of you counting DLCs, Hearthfire doesn’t count, and if you bought it after reading my review then I cannot be responsible for you pissing away your money. Jackass.

Fallout 3

Fans of the original Fallout games cried foul when Bethesda whipped out this action RPG, casting players into the postapocalyptic Capital Wasteland, until they actually played it. The Wasteland is an inhospitable place for the vault-dweller looking for Daddy, voiced in epic fashion by Liam Neeson, and is full of radioactive hotspots, irradiated food and water, mutants, Deathclaws, psychopathic raiders, ghouls, slavers, and dangerous robots: no place was truly safe.

In typical Bethesda fashion, players were rewarded for being good, bad, or Switzerland, which encouraged me to play through the game multiple times. I mini nuked a Behemoth Super Mutant into dust, cured a suburb of its fire ant infestation, collected all the bobbleheads, met a talking tree named Bob, followed Liberty Prime into battle at the Jefferson Memorial, and killed President John Henry Eden. Yeah, I’m a badass. The four DLCs were all fulfilling expansions to an already awesome game that I still play from time to time. Don’t forget to visit me at my house in Old Olney. 

Portal

My first introduction to this hidden gem of a game occured after I completed the Half-Life 2 content in the Orange Box. I gave Team Fortress a cursory look, then turned my attention to the silent protagonist, Chell. What seemed like a kid’s game at first very quickly morphed into something both dark and addictive. Since Chell has no voice of her own in the game, the lone voice of the increasingly malevolent GLaDOS, voiced by Ellen McLain, sets a perfect atmosphere of isolation and imminent mortal peril inside the Aperture Life Enrichment Center.

The game almost perfectly progresses the difficulty of each test, which you must pass if you want to continue living, because GLaDOS wants you to fail...and then kill you. Armed with my portal gun, I was able to push through with the help of my trusty sidekick, companion cube, and the promise of cake. Portal 2 would have also been a great game, if Wheatley hadn’t ruined it. Fuck you, Wheatley, I hate you.

Forza 3

If I were to number the games on this list, which I intentionally neglected to do, Forza 3 would be number one. This is the game that brought me to 2old2play, so naturally it is particularly important to me. So if you’re one of the folks who doesn’t like me, this is the game to blame. It is a magical game steeped in the land before AWD was nerfed, Positano was a particularly long and challenging road track, Camino Viejo was extreme in reverse, and Fujimi Kaido came back in a big way.

This is the game where I discovered the 2old4forza clan. These guys taught me how to tune, made me faster on the track, and taught me humility. I was ranked in the top 50 on the Forza leaderboards when I joined 2o4f, but I wasn’t even close to being as fast as these guys. I made friends with some of the fastest virtual racers all over the world, and we’re still friends today. I’m sure most of the folks here at 2old2play have a similar story to tell about their clan and drug of choice. My drug is Forza, and there are a lot of Forza addicts running around this site. It must be good shit.

Halo 3

I am not a Halo fan. I played through the first two games on the original Xbox and had enough. I played the third installment some time after I finally acquired a 360, and only played about fifteen minutes before I decided I didn’t like it and traded it in for Mercenaries 2. However, the importance of this game, in particular, cannot be denied, especially since it happens to be the game responsible for the genesis of 2old2play.

I eventually played Reach on my own accord, and hastily purchased Halo 4 at a Gamestop in Schaumburg at the last LAN, with the intention of playing it at the LAN, but being lost and hopelessly outgunned I hid Master Chief in my gym bag and went back to Forza 4 and deep dish pizza. I love this site, and most of the people here, but Halo 3 is not one of my favorite games.

The Walking Dead

The television show was a hit, so naturally a game based on the show would be a hit, right? Nope, but the game based on the source material was surprisingly deep, emotionally touching, and terrible to behold all at the same time. My time with Lee, Clementine, and Kenny forced me to make some hard choices. Would I save a man trapped under a tractor instead of the annoying child who caused the accident? Yep. Would I allow Clementine’s friend to fall to his death to give Kenny some closure over the death of his family? Yep. Would I abandon an ally in the zombie-infested darkness over a fatal misunderstanding? I’m afraid so. I hope you packed some running shoes, bitch.

Telltale Games delivered on a zombie game that, on paper, shouldn’t have worked. The game looks like a comic book and isn’t exactly chock full of zombie headshot action. The Walking Dead compelled me to look around and interact with the other survivors of the zombie apocalypse. It was a game where the murderer could be the hero, where a little girl could survive and be as lethal as any adult, and a game that taught me that any old slab of meat on a plate wasn’t necessarily food. The Walking Dead gave me very little time to make some hard choices that carried consequences for the rest of the game, and then told me what kind of guy I was at the end of each episode. Thanks Telltale, I already knew I was a dick.

Mass Effect Trilogy

Yeah, I know the ending was a huge kick in the crotch to Mass Effect fans all over the world, but the original Star Wars trilogy has a shitty ending too and I still like the movies...fucking Ewoks. Anyway, there are no Ewoks in Mass Effect, but there is a whole lot of heroic action RPG goodness. I liked Commander Shepard, and whether you started as a guy or FemShep, your reputation in the ME universe was legendary. I liked the fact that Mass Effect 2 and 3 remembered that I played the game before, and carefully omitted the folks that were killed because of my actions in the previous games. It made Mass Effect more personal to me, and I redoubled my efforts to keep everyone alive on every mission. Voice acting from Jennifer Hale and Mark Meer as the two Shepards, Lance Henrickson, Martin Sheen, Keith David, and Seth Green delivered a familiar authenticity to the folks trying to save the universe from extinction. Does anyone else think that Garrus could have been an awesome protagonist?

I felt like I always had my hands full playing this game. I was dealing with Reapers, fulfilling my Spectre duties, punching reporters, keeping morale high on the Normandy, trying to finish off the Geck, deciding the fate of other races, dealing with political squabbling, and doing my best to insure humanity’s place on The Citadel was deserved. Never a dull moment, never a lull in the action, and rarely have I had more fun playing video games.

Assassin’s Creed II

There was nothing wrong with the first Assassin’s Creed, aside from the fact that Altair was an unlikeable dick and every environment was a dreary shit hole. Assassin’s Creed II greatly improved upon both issues: I thought Ezio was charismatic and fun to play as, and the Italian cities he worked in were both beautiful and (mostly) historically accurate. Florence and Venice lent themselves to video games quite nicely, and the inclusion of historical figures, like Leonardo DaVinci, only made the game more appealing.

Scouring the tombs of my assassin predecessors, stalking the Venice street festival, and the ambush at the ruins stand out as classic AC II moments, and some of the very best in the series. Although the difficulty bar may have been set a little high for a sim racer like me, I did eventually finish the game, which is more than I can say for Connor’s stab (see what I did there?) at Assassin glory. If you missed out on this one while it was free on XBL Games With Gold, then you missed a milestone in gaming history. 

Honorable Mentions

Arkham Asylum
Grand Theft Auto V
Minecraft 360
Dirt
Splinter Cell: Conviction

Keep in mind that this list is just one gamer’s opinion. If you think a game doesn’t belong here or I committed some sort of injustice by not including your personal benchmark 360 game, let me have it in the comments, amigo!

Currently available for the Xbox One and PC and later this month for the Xbox 360, this Titanfall review is based on play from the closed Alpha, open Beta, and the retail release Xbox One versions of the game.

Nothing Really New, Just Nicer to Look at

When the Xbox One was officially announced, there was a lot of armchair critiquing within the various gaming circles that I associate with on which game would be THE game that would be this generation’s Halo or Gears of War. Forza brought us the drivatar system that, when it works, is a great way to play bump cars against 15 or so other AI competitors that mimic your douchebag friends’ abilities to T-bone you at the start of a race. Dead Rising 3 brought us so many details in graphics and the missions were totally…. ZOMBIES!!! KATANA!!!! Must kill them!!!! What was I saying about Dead Rising 3? Oh yeah, there are just way too many fun-filled zombie-related activities in that game to keep you focused on doing any of the missions that it is a paradise for someone like that has ADH-SQUIRREL!!!

Aside from these two Xbox exclusives, there were smaller exclusives as well as the cross-platformers from the Call of Duty, Battlefield, and Assassin’s Creed franchises that you could play to help you justify purchasing a next-gen console. With quite possibly the exemption of Forza 5, these were all the same games as their predecessors and there really was nothing  new, they were just nicer to look at. If you don’t believe me, come to San Diego and I’ll give you my Wii. You can play a system that’s at least two generations back.  I hear they have Hannah Montana Extreme Wrecking Ball releasing for it the moment Hannah Montana gets out of rehab.

Enter the Titan

At the same time that the Xbox One was announced at E3, another game was announced to much fanfare -Titanfall from Respawn Entertainment. While other games were bragging about how they were exclusive to this or that console or how they would be getting DLC first over the other consoles, Titanfall quickly made a hole in this virtual room of games by garnering enough gaming awards to err, uhm, fill a Titan and then some. Electric Playground Best of E3, Electric Playground Best of E3 (Shooter), CNET 12 Most Exciting Games of E3 2013, IGN Best Shooter to name a few and this was while we were all still wondering what the game truly was about.

Was it going to be good? Was it going to be fun? What exactly was it about? The details were sketchy but the one thing that kept people coming back for more was the fact that this game had giant mechs in it called Titans. GIANT MECHS CALLED TITANS. Nuff said and if you can’t get behind playing a game with Titans, you should come to San Diego and I’ll give you my Wii so that you can play Hannah Montana: Dora the Explorer Deathmatch - it’s a fighting game on rails -  and we will forget that you ever called yourself a gamer.

What Does the Vince Say?

The game was quickly met with skepticism upon the announcement that the game would have a campaign mode called multiplayer campaign and that it would be played over the multiplayer space instead of the traditional “Johnny likes to play with himself” space that all other game campaigns occupy. Additional skepticism grew when Respawn CEO and Chief Titan Pilot Vince Zampella announced that the game would be 6v6 instead of the typical team numbers found in other FPS games. A lot of my people went from armchair critic to armchair game developer with this news, bashing the 6v6 mechanic as being lame and saying that it would never work. Boy were they wrong…

Multiplayer Campaign

Although there is a story/plot, Titanfall is like a great porn movie. You don’t watch it for the story  until AFTER you’ve watched all of the “action” scenes. Wait, did I just type that out for everyone to read? Crap, my delete button doesn’t work so the site editor may have to censor that or let it stay…

What I mean is that although there is a story and although the story does have some depth to it, it’s not deep enough (what is it with this porn analogy - doh, analogy!) it takes a back seat to the action that happens in the game. As soon a chapter starts, you’re on a jumpship itching to plunge to certain death but now without first start kicking virtual butt. Depending on which chapter you are playing, the game mode is either Attrition (Team Deathmatch) or Hardpoint (Domination) - see  there we go again with the porn analogy and if hardpoint domination doesn’t remind you of a porn movie, come to San Diego and I’ll give you my Wii. It doesn’t remind me of porn either.

The story elements are simple enough to follow along. You are part of either the IMC or the Militia and you fight the other side to try and prove who has the bigger Titan. That’s where Titanfall kind of misses its mark - If you are getting it to play single player, don’t. Single player doesn’t exist. You will be disappointed.

Multiplayer Madhouse

Thankfully, Titanfall’s campaign includes an element that it utterly excels in - multiplayer. You have to play the campaign if you want to unlock the Stryder and Ogre along with a few other perks along the way but you really aren’t simply playing campaign. You’re playing multiplayer as well in a very meta kind of way. That’s what  makes up for a somewhat weak story in the campaign and by the time you finish campaign, you will be ready to take on the quagmire that is multiplayer and unlike other FPS games where you are either good or not, you will find something to be good at in Titanfall.

Whether you like to hunt and take out other players or Pilots or whether you prefer to molest game AI in the form of Grunts or Spectres, Titanfall’s got you covered and then some because just when you think that you are dominating on the battlefield, you get notification over your Comms that, “Your Titan is ready.” Then you hit that down button on your D-pad and it’s a whole new world of hurt! You go from a sack of blood and bones to a nuclear-powered, bipedal tank with guns that make Doom’s BFG look very tiny. You become an unstoppable force of nature that wreaks havoc on - “ENEMY PILOT ONBOARD YOUR TITAN!” Excuse me while I take care of this minor inconvenience. Okay. I’m back and that’s better. As I was saying before I was interrupted, you become a badass inside of a mech the size of a building and life is good!

The magic is in the 6v6 (human vs. human) vs AI vs Titan mechanic found throughout all modes of this game. If you’re like me after a few drinks and can’t aim without spraying the whole area of your TV screen hoping that you will randomly land a shot on something, don’t worry, you can always hunt down the AI Grunts or Spectres. If you prefer perform on a higher level and have the reaction time of a tweaker strung out on speed, there are 6 human enemy pilots on the opposite team that you can hunt but you have to be quick. Unlike other games that give you limited sprint abilities, the pilots in Titanfall go through rigorous physical training and can sprint indefinitely while jumping great heights with the help of jump packs. When you’ve racked up enough points from Grunts, Spectres, and or Pilots, you get rewarded with a Titan that you can call in earlier than the requisite 2 minutes. If you are a pacifist and decide to just wait it out, your Titan will be ready in 2 minutes with little to no effort.

So there’s a little something for everyone and when you call in that Titan for the first time, remember to look up in the sky because it will be like your first kiss - an experience you will never forget. Respawn spared no expense either. Turn your sound up too… The rendering of your Titan piercing the atmosphere, producing a sonic boom, and landing on the ground is an experience in itself that you need to completely consume.

Next-Gen Gaming

Respawn Entertainment did a spectacular job with this game but they haven’t stopped working. Issues like trying to find matches, getting disconnected from your party, party chat dying at random times, etc. pop up from time to time but unlike the other EA game that I will not mention by the name of Battlefield 4, Respawn is proactively doing all that it can (and as fast as it can) to put the player experience first. They have not only set the bar in a game where we expect to be wowed, but they are also setting the bar in the kind of support that all other game developers should be providing. Bravo Respawn, bravo!

I mentioned a few other games at the beginning of this article but none of them truly capture the essence of next-gen gaming as much as Titanfall does. Titanfall really feels like you are playing a next-gen game and as I mentioned above, it has something for everyone to enjoy… even non-FPS gamers like all of you that are coming to San Diego to take my Wii. You will find something to enjoy in this game so if you have an Xbox One but haven’t already picked this game up, pick it up because you are missing out.

In Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes Solid Snake makes his jump to next-gen in a stand-alone prequel to the upcoming Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. Does Hideo Kojima’s latest project have the chops to stand with its predecessors in this beloved and venerable series? It took less time than you think to find out.

Changing the Game

MGS vets will notice that a few things have changed since the series jumped to the new consoles. First, Kiefer Sutherland is the new voice of Snake, and he does an admirable job, but it’s still going to piss off the fanboys. Cardboard boxes are also apparently a thing of the past and players actually must be stealthy in a Sam Fisher kind of way: utilizing low-light areas, tall grass, and obstacles. Codec conversations were also omitted this time around in favor of regular radio and cassette player.

Just the Tip

MGS V: Ground Zeroes’ main mission is set entirely in an installation on the tip of Cuba. XOF bad guys, led by a dude named Skull Face, for obvious physical reasons, captured two of Snake’s allies in order to initiate a Trojan Horse attack on Snake’s FOX group. Snake’s mission is to rescue the allies, a boy named Chico and the explosive Paz, and deliver them to safety in time to eat lunch during a UN nuclear inspection of Snake’s mother base. Several side missions, all set in the same installation as the main mission, vary in mission objectives. One mission is a double assassination, one is a rescue mission, and there’s an intel grab. Nothing terribly groundbreaking here.

The Groundbreaking Part

Although the missions have sort of an old hat feel to them, this game is doing some brand new stuff that I have never seen in a video game, and I don’t mean that in a good way. I don’t know how to break this gently to the fanboys, so I’m just going to say it: the game is criminally short. The game is so short, in fact, that it isn’t much more than a demo. I personally have no problem with game demos, until somebody tries to charge me thirty fucking bucks for it...then it’s a problem. Konami is charging thirty dollars for a game where the main mission took me just 61 minutes to complete. Yeah, there’s a handful of side missions, but the play time on those is only 10-15 minutes each. That puts total game time somewhere between 2-3 hours to finish everything.

Something else I have never personally seen in a game is the dev placing himself prominently as a character in one of the side missions. Check this out, Hideo Kojima not only puts himself in the game, but once the mission is over he hangs out with Snake in the chopper on the menu screen and fucks around with the mission list. I’ve seen devs put themselves on posters in Duke Nukem 3D, while Doom 3: BFG had messages from the development team in email form on the marine’s PDA, and even Rare used likenesses of their guys as faces on the bad guys in Goldeneye, but they never put them in a fucking helicopter next to the main character! What kind of egomaniacal dick puts himself in his own game? The good news is that you can kill him.

Sarcasmo Says

The game looks great, the voice acting is top-notch, the graphics are fluid and very smooth, and the story is engaging. However, charging folks $30 for a demo is a classless fucking money-grab and sets a very dangerous and expensive precedent for future games if this kind of thing gains traction. 

Final Verdict

Fuck Hideo Kojima’s overpriced demo and wait for the full game.

The Shadowrun expansion, Dragonfall, released on Steam in February. It is set in the free state of Berlin – headed by Monica Shafer. Naturally, your first mission goes horribly wrong.

If you haven't played Shadowrun previously, you first must create a character and customize to your liking. You may choose between races of either Human, Elf, Dwarf, Ork, or Troll. I personally prefer Elf – as I like to play as tall characters. (I made sure I was as tall as I could be in Final Fantasy XIV.) Afterward, you are tasked with choosing a job, class, or in Dragonfall terms, your “Archetype.” This could be either a Street Samurai, a Mage, a Decker, Shaman, Rigger, or Physical Adept.

Once this is taken care of, customizing the look of your character begins. Unlike other games with this feature, the customization is fairly limited. You are not given much variety here. If you're not wanting to spend too much time here, the game can automatically select a look for you, as well. From here on out, you can customize your stats (physical resistance, quickness, ranged combat, accuracy, etc).

Shadowrun: Dragonfall - Official Trailer (1080p) from Harebrained Schemes on Vimeo.

Life Was Good Until...

The game opens up with your team leader, Monkia, gathering outside of Harfield Mansion. Your mission is to raid a data vault, but naturally, things go wrong when you come upon a military base underground. I hope you don't become too attached to Monika, because she'll be killed as she tries to gain access to the base – but not before she leaves you with a faint message.

My Turn, Your Turn, My Turn, Your...

I was never a huge fan of turn-based combat. Some games handle it better than others. I can manage it at times, but here, I am unable to to maintain my patience. I found myself more concerned (and spending more time) getting my team positioned in the right places, at which point, an obstruction blocks my weapon's fire, forcing me to reposition the team once more. When I finally got the system down, I found it lacking any sort of joy

The combat system is simple, at best.
 

What's it All About?

The world of Shadownrun is fairly immersive. I found myself more wanting to explore and see what I could find, rather than follow the objectives I had been presented with. I shared the same sentiment when playing the classic Dreamcast title, Shenmue.

Editor's Note: Many thanks to Kevin C. for writing up this review for 2old2play.

So new release Tuesday happens to fall on April Fools Day this year and there are several games releasing. I am going to try and hit the ones I think are the most noteworthy so I apologize if I leave one of your favorites off. I was also trying to rack my brain for some kind of April Fools joke but honestly I can’t top the release of Goat Simulator. I can just imagine a bunch of disgruntled game programmers getting drunk and throwing stupid ideas out at each other and...yeah...Goat Simulator. As I write this, it is also Opening Day of the MLB so what better way to celebrate then to overuse baseball analogies! It’s the top of the third inning and the “PC Master Race” have hit a grand slam while the "MS Fanboys" are in the dugout with nothing to show but a walk to first. In other news, both the Playstation and Nintendo teams are on top but it’s actually their farm teams this week that are really starting to shine!

Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate Deluxe (PC, PS3, Xbox 360, WiiU)

So if you are a fan of the recent slate of Batman games and you were jealous that your Vita and 3DS buddies got to play a 2.5D offshoot of Batman: Arkham Origins and you didn’t, well come April 1st you get your chance! As a $20 download only title for PC and Consoles, Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate Deluxe comes complete with upgraded HD graphics and sound! Woohoo??? Is an updated handheld game worth your $20? I guess that depends on how many bats you need in your life. Maybe the trailer below can help guide your decision.

Goat Simulator (PC)

So watch the Dead Island-esque trailer below and ask yourself this question: Does the world really need Goat Simulator? I guess your answer depends solely on how twisted your sense of humor is along with your tolerance for plain and nonsensical idiotic fun! I don’t think there is a lot of “game” here but I could probably waste a couple of hours dragging dudes onto a treadmill and shooting them out a window or taking them for rides on a goat endowed with a jet pack. Goat Simulator chews its way onto your hard drives on April 1st.

Halo: Spartan Assault (PC)

So if you are reading this and scratching your head wondering why Halo: Spartan Assault is on this list, please know that I did the very same thing. I own this game on my Windows phone, my Win8 rig and my Xbox One. Why is this showing up as releasing for PC...again? Well, it turns out that Halo: Spartan Assault is launching April 4th via Steam for all Windows machines for those who weren't brave enough to jump into the Win8 pool. This is a decent game and if you have a 360 controller on your rig it’s even better. 

Mercenary Kings (PS4)

So being bi-console-curious I tend to play around with the Playstation 4 kiosk whenever I can. I still have ongoing issues with the controller but I have to admit that the system looks good and the kiosk games look great. That being said, I don’t really know where Mercenary Kings fits in on the PS4 platform. I don’t want to knock Mercenary Kings as I know what it’s going for here but it definitely is not pushing the boundaries of the PS4’s capabilities. Hell, I have piMame running on an overclocked Raspberry Pi that seems like it could run this. Yeah, I know graphics aren’t everything but sometimes they help. That being said, Mercenary Kings is free to PlayStation Plus members on April 1st so if you are a member you should check it out. The rest of you have to pony up $20 or go find a rom of Contra to fill that gap.

MLB 14: The Show (PS3, Vita)

Given the complete lack of baseball games on any other system, MLB 14: The Show for the Playstation 3 is, by default, the definitive Major League Baseball experience. I am not trying to be facetious here as, unlike other sports games without competition, the MLB series consistently puts out great products year after year. You loyal PS3 and/or Vita owners can get your mitt on MLB 14:The Show on April 1st while those waiting for it to release on the PS4 must wait until May 6th.

The Elder Scrolls Online (PC, Mac, PS4, Xbox One)

I would assume at this point in time nearly every Elder Scrolls fan said their goodbyes to family and friends and retreated to their basement lair. They fired up their water cooled SLI-ed geForce Titan rig with triple 27” monitors, stocked the beer fridge with Mountain Dew, cleaned out the neighborhood 7-11 of Doritos and arranged for pizza to be delivered every 24 hours. Early access to The Elder Scrolls Online already began and the rest of the world will join in on April 4th. The question is this: Can The Elder Scrolls Online come anywhere near the success of World of Warcraft? I know the trailer below is not indicative of actual in game footage but if the gameplay and story can elicit the emotion and brutal combat shown then I believe it has a chance.

Announced at PAX East today, the Penny Arcade, in cooperation with ReedPOP, is set to add a new stop on their world domination tour. PAX South will debut this January in San Antonio, Texas. With 2 shows already in the US and the more recent addition of the Australia venue, this will be the fourth PAX show on the yearly conference schedule. 

According to the press release, 

The new show will build on the foundation of the PAX format giving fans a healthy mix of the latest and greatest in video games, tabletop games, game inspired music, competitive gameplay, and insight from leaders in the world of gaming. The annual events give gamers a PAX show for every season throughout the year. 

Personally, I have mixed feelings about the addition of this new event. I think it's great that they are expanding into another area of the country and I hear that San Antonio is a great place to visit, but this could really put a strain on already maxed out conference schedules for many devs and gaming companies. January seems to be a slow time of year for gaming news so maybe this will help spice things up. 

 PAX South will take place in San Antonio, Texas, January 23-25, 2015. The venue will be announced at a later date. 

For each Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) someone influential in games is chosen to give the keynote usually dubbed as Storytime with [insert gaming nerd here]. The inaugural PAX prime in Seattle was Storytime with Alex St. John.  The first PAX East in 2010 was kicked off by Wil Wheaton and in the years to follow Boston was hosted by Jane McGonigal, Jordan Mechner, and Cliff Bleszinski.

Storytime with Alex Rigopulos

The 2014 PAX East keynote was: Storytime with Alex Rigopulos (CEO and co-founder of Harmonix Music Systems, creators of Rock Band and Dance Central). In his address, gamers were given a peek into past, present, and future of the Cambridge Massachusetts based studio. He also offered up some general advice on the games industry and running a company with a creative focus. In keeping with the music roots of the studio, they had a live band playing as everyone streamed into the auditorium. The band was made up of studio employees playing original music also written by folks at the Harmonix.

Pre-PAX, Harmonix’s community team hinted that there would be a game announcement during the speech but Rigopulos started right off with addressing that the studio would not be announcing a Rock Band or Dance Central title today or anytime soon. Although then he also said they “have grand plans to bring them back at some point in the current console cycle.” So that set the twitterverse a buzz that they were working on Rock Band and Dance Central titles for Xbox One and PS4!  

Storytime started with some early photos of Rigopulos and co-founder Eran Egozy at MIT together. Majoring in music at MIT is generally a path less taken but it sure worked out well for fans of music and rhythm games all these years later.

In the Beginning…

Harmonix was founded in 1995 with a mission to enable more people to experience the joy of creating music without the learning curve of an instrument being so difficult. Despite both founders having backgrounds with games and computers the company did not actually start with a specific video game focus; those just ended up being the projects that were most successful. Rigopulos walked the PAX East audience through the company history with a handy chart plotting time versus “How Much the World Seemed to Give a Shit about What We Were Up to.”

He started off talking about their first title The Axe which was more of a musical tool than game. Harmonix community team member Aaron Trites described it on a  later PAX panel as a “stupid garbage machine.” The title was for PC and allowed players to manipulate instruments using a joystick. It play tested well with an initial cool factor but players seemed to grown bored and/or frustrated after about 15 minutes. Harmonix  tried all sorts of creative ways  to pitch it to people (like in karaoke bars and theme parks) but ultimately it never really found much of an audience.

Sony gave Harmonix a lot of help getting started when they were the only publisher to take on their first game title in 2001 with Frequency and later its sequel Amplitude. Amplitude actually had the opposite problem of The Axe in playtesting, as before playing no one understood what the game was and had no interest in it. But after some hands on action they wanted more.  Unfortunately this was before the internet boom and free downloadable trials so it didn’t reach many players.  The analogous infographic on the chart of how much the world cared about Harmonix showed an actual photo of mouse nuts.

Even though the games hadn’t sold well Sony seemed to have a soft spot for HMX and offered to let them develop a game for the PS2 long forgotten camera peripheral the EyeToy. The EyeToy: Antigrav project was a tough decision for the company since it didn’t really fit into their overarching music vision but they decided to take it on anyway.  They then had mixed emotions when it ended up being by far their best selling title to date. Looking back now it seems like great early practice for their future with Dance Central and Kinect.

Thankfully Harmonix was able to get back to their music roots in the early 2000s when RedOctane approached them to bring Guitar Hero into living rooms. Guitar Hero sales ramped up slowly and then took off exponentially around the time of the sequel. Activision purchased RedOctane and Viacom purchased Harmonix under their MTV Games division. The chart about how much of a shit people gave went from mouse to Godzilla nuts!

Coolest Job in the World

I’m always a sucker for seeing people I admire nerd out about meeting their heroes or career wow moments and Alex shared a few of those. One was seeing just how popular Guitar Hero and Rock Band had become when South Park devoted an entire episode to making fun of the game.  Another was getting to work with members and collaborators of the Fab Four on the The Beatles Rock Band title. Rigopulos shared a story of when he was visibly nervous giving a demo to Paul McCartney.  Post demo, Sir Paul apparently reached into his bag and offered up some fresh cut lavender sprigs from his garden and to inhale to help relax.

Present to Future

Harmonix has also had some tough times, especially when the plastic instrument game market seemed to vanish almost as quickly as it had risen up. Rigopulos talked about the difficulty of the studio getting so big with the boom and then having to do layoffs as the market dried up. In a brighter look to the future, he spoke about the company’s present and future strategy.

While Harmonix will still be working on big AAA console games like their current in development Kinect game Disney Fantasia: Music Evolved, they are also looking to branch out into smaller projects and titles on mobile, PC, and who knows what other platforms.  With these titles so far they are sticking with their core vision of making the barrier of entry to being able to enjoy creating music more accessible.  Alex gets an A+ in alliteration for describing it as:  “Music and magic in motion.”

What to Expect from Harmonix in 2014

In addition to Fantasia which will allow players to use manipulators to create live performances and remixes of tracks in the game, Rigopulos showed quick clips of a whole bunch of other prototypes that may or may not see the light of day. He showed all 10+ at once so it was hard to process what was going on in any one, but there was one that involved a monkey and another with dancing bacon so sign me up for those!

Chroma is a recently announced title for the studio currently now in closed Alpha on PC. Its the first time the company has released a title as an Alpha. Rigopulos explained that they are trying to work in a more collaborative model with players, allowing them to be contributors and collaborators in early development.  Chroma is a “Music Shooter” and integrates a traditional FPS with a musical environment.  The current incantation of the game has mechanics like some weapons only shooting on downbeats or teams working together as bands and needing different instrument weapons in their arsenal.  This game is going to be Free to Play so that is another diversification and learning area for the studio.

Another diversification strategy is mobile games.  In the keynote Harmonix announced their first mobile game title coming to iOS soon. Its called Record Run and is a musical take on the popular runner genre. It will contain a few licensed songs as well as some from Harmonix bands (which I really missed getting on disc in RB3!). You will also be able to import your own songs to play along to. I saw a demo of the game at another HMX PAX panel and it looks like fun.  The art style fits nicely between Rock Band and Dance Central and as always in Harmonix games the characters seem to have lots of personality and really cool outfits.

Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy, er I mean Alex Rigopulos

Closing out the keynote Rigopulos did some general philosophizing about the games industry and running a company.  Some highlights of the tips and quotes he coined or shared:

• “Sometimes passionate, smart people are wrong.”
• “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you in trouble, its what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”-Mark Twain
• “Game development is finding the shortest path to all the things you were wrong about.”

Another really interesting one he shared from the “weeping philosopher” Heraclitus
 seems to be part of the core of how he runs the company: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for its not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

This informs how both the market place and everyone at the company is constantly evolving and past success and decisions will not always give similar resutls in the future. He also used one somewhat unfortunate euphemism when talking about how sometimes projects and prototypes don’t work out and you need to be willing to “Kill the baby in the crib” which got an audible gasp from the crowd.

The speech closed with a heartfelt thanks to gamers for marking Harmonix’s labor of love possible through the “incredible power music has over human hearts, souls and imaginations.” Then the band came back and played us all out of the theater.

Welcome to this week’s new release tease. This is a good week for RPG gamers, puzzle solvers, and sports fans with a healthy choice of games from all of these different genres. Sadly, there aren’t any major triple A title releases but it’s still a pretty good week to be a gamer.

Backgammon Blitz (PS Vita, PS3, PS4)

Uh…Play Backgammon on your Sony consoles. ‘Nuff said. What? Were you expecting Backgammon Team Deathmatch? Were you expecting to be able to call in a 30-foot walking tank after two minutes of play? It’s Backgammon. On your console. Back. Gammon. It’s about as exciting as the thought of getting a rectal exam. Backgammon Blitz drops on April 15th.

Conception II: Children of the Seven Stars (3DS, PS Vita) 

This game allows you to go from conception to childbirth where you play as a child of the Seven Stars… oh wait, that’s taking the title too literal. The game takes place on a world called Aterra where a, no, THE Star God is worshipped. Monsters are beginning to spawn from nowhere! To help fight them, the Star God has given certain young adults, or Disciples, various powers to create Star Children that aid in the battle. Your ultimate goal is to bond with the seven other Disciples in some mysterious orgy on your handheld 3DS or Vita to survive. Who comes up with this? Jane Jensen? Play Conception II: Children of the Seven Stars beginning on April 15th.

Final Fantasy XIV Online: A Realm Reborn (PS4) 

This not-so-new MMO invites you to explore Eorzea while doing all kinds of fantastic feats in the Final Fantasy universe. Mount a chocobo, fly in an airship, go on epic quests and take on random encounters with Final Fantasy enemies new and old while you level up your abilities. If you picked this game up when it first came out, you can pick it up again as this version was rebuilt from the ground up. Oh and it’s now online! Final Fantasy XIV Online: A Realm Reborn hits store shelves on April 14th.

Moebius: Empire Rising (PC, Mac) 

This contemporary adventure on your Mac or PC merges classic point-and-click puzzle-solving with supposedly sophisticated storytelling. Travel the world to analyze suspects, make historical connections, and uncover the truth behind a theory of space and time that the government will defend at any cost. Also, it’s by Jane Jensen. I guess that means something if you know who Jane Jensen actually is. It’s even more exciting than playing Backgammon on your console. Moebius: Empire Rising hits PC and Mac on April 15th.

Trials Fusion (Xbox 360, PS4, Xbox One, PC) 

Anyone who has ever played Trials HD or Trials Evolution knows that these games are synonymous with the words FRUSTRATION and RAGE QUIT. Anyone who has ever played this game also knows the pain when you see your friends’ leaderboard scores and they are seconds, if not minutes, ahead of yours. Experience Trials in higher frustra, err, definition as Redlynx launches Trials Fusion on the 360, PS4, PC, and Xbox One. Please note that Redlynx, Ubisoft, or anyone for that matter, are not responsible for controllers flung at TV’s during this game. Get your rage quit on beginning April 16th. 

2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil (PS3, Xbox 360) 

Experience all the fun and drama of futbol’s greatest event right before it happens in real life! Multiple improvements and innovations to the award-winning gameplay of FIFA 14 and an additional 100 new animations make this EA Sports FIFA title on Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 one of the most exciting titles on these platforms. See if you can predict who will win the World Cup or set up your own fantasy league matches between your favorite and least favorite clubs! You don’t have to go to Brazil to experience all the beautiful people, see all the sights and be at their soccer stadium to see THE World Cup because you’ll be at home playing this game… with a cup of your own. A cup of coffee. Or beer. Or soda. Or water…because you didn’t go to Brazil! Hopefully future FIFA DLC brings you the ability to play online games as a Vuvuzela. 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil hits store shelves April 15th. 

One of the more interesting Xbox One exclusives, Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare, received the Wild West treatment in its latest DLC pack: Zomboss Down which released earlier this week. The plants have shot a blimp full of zombies out of the sky, and the surviving undead (see what I did there?) are headed for the desert’s golf course.

EA and Popcap raised the level cap from 20 to 30, adding eight new playable characters, a brand new map, and some accessories to personalize your plant and add zazz to your zombie. The new map is called Cactus Canyon, and is set on the desert golf course and features a secret Cactus Army facility. Four new plant types guard this golfing oasis: Sun Pharaoh, Law Pea, Bandit Cactus, and Armor Chomper. The new Zombie types are Skytrooper, Landscaper, Archaeologist, and Wrestler.

This free DLC, and I mean free as in will not cost you a single gold coin, also includes some nifty weapon upgrades and new skins. The pack also includes some customization upgrades like facial hair and tattoos. PvZ: Garden Warfare provides an interesting take on the 3D shooter, and Zomboss Down only deepens the value of this Xbox One original. Now go kill something green, amigo.

With 2K Games all but absent from last year’s PAX East, they came out swinging this year by showing off two of their upcoming titles, EVOLVE and Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel. Like many other publishers, they are stuck in between supporting last-gen and new systems. I hope to see more of a move away from last-gen from them over the coming months as I feel like they have a lot to bring to the now-gen gaming world. 

Evolve

Release date: TBD (sometime between July and September 2014)
Platforms: PC, PS4, Xbox One

About the Game

Evolve is an asymmetrical, first-person shooter with 4 human characters, collectively referred to as the hunters, battling one monster with all five of them being controlled by the players.

In the ongoing 4v1 battles, the basic premise of the game is to survive. That’s it. No scoring of any kind. You either live and win or you lose and die. During the video presentation at PAX East, we were introduced to the 4 types of characters as well as to their first announced, monster-type, the “Goliath”.

Each hunter class has their own set of abilities, weapons and roles in taking down the monster before he evolves to his third stage. You can play as Support, Trapper, Medic or Assault and I bet you can pretty easily guess what role each one has.

This is a very cooperative focused game when playing as the hunters and it reminded me a bit of Team Fortress in that essence. They are planning to have multiple maps and monster characters at the time of release and I would also expect to see some ongoing DLC coming from them in the months after.

Hands on Impressions

THIS GAME ROCKS! I played as the Trapper in an epic 4v1 battle where we quickly lost to a massive monster. As a newly formed team of people that didn’t know each other, we were quickly demolished by the Goliath as we scrambled around like ants running away from his fire and rock throwing abilities. My heart was racing the entire time as the gameplay is truly epic, scary and fun at the same time.

I had some initial issues with the controls and trying to use the traps that I had at my disposal but I expect that this would come along with practice. Like Left 4 Dead, this is a game where you have to work together to survive. The controls and movements were very smooth and graphically the game looks awesome, as you would expect from the now-gen systems. I am very excited about this game and will definitely be buying it day one.

Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel

Release date: TBD (sometime late 2014)
Platforms: PC, PS3, Xbox 360

About the Game

Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel is a direct prequel to Borderlands 2 that has you exploring the surface of a moon as you work for Handsome Jack. It is being worked on jointly by 2K Australia and Gearbox.

You have the option to select from four familiar and previously NPCs in the Borderlands games, including the much anticipated option to be able to play as Claptrap. The other characters you can select from are Athena, Misha and Wilhelm (before he is all robotic).

The characters all have their own skill trees just like prior games. They mostly showed off Athena and demonstrated a cool skill that has you flinging off a shield like a boomerang that can hit multiple targets once upgraded, ala Captain America style.

They showed off some gameplay using new weapon types such as a cryogenic one that can freeze and shatter your enemies and a new laser type weapon. Also new to the game is an Oz kit that will replace relics. The Oz kit is what helps you breathe on the moon and it has a running O2 meter that shows you how much time you have before it runs out. There are multiple ways to refill this kit, including fill stations and you can also turn on oxygen bubbles over large areas.

With the low gravity, you can jump higher and longer as well as send your enemies spinning off into space. The loot also flies out of containers which can add an extra level of difficulty in grabbing things. It looked pretty funny to see all sorts of items just flying out of containers in all directions.

Impressions

With only a video presentation to go by, I really love what they are doing with this game and you could tell that the developers had fun working on it. The low-gravity and oxygen aspects of the game add an interesting new twist to a well-loved franchise and I expect that this will do well for anyone still holding on to the last-gen consoles. If you’re already rocking the now-gen consoles, I don’t recommend spending much time following the news for this one. Hang tight, because I do believe that we will see a Borderlands 3 announcement on or before E3 this year.

At PAX East last weekend, I had a chance to check out the latest in the Orcs Must Die! series, Orcs Must Die! Unchained, from our friends over at Robot Entertainment. While the first OMD was single-player only (and on both PC & XBLA), and the second introduced co-op play (PC only), Unchained takes a leap into the competitive PC free-to-play multiplayer space with 5v5 gameplay.

About the Game

Despite my initial attempt to make comparisons to popular MOBA’s, Robot Entertainment’s Ian Fischer, Design Director on Orcs Must Die! Unchained, told me that while those comparisons are valid, their aim is more of a Team Fortress 2 meets card customization game.  The traditional OMD! feel of tower defense is there, but with two teams battling it out, it is both a fortress defense and a fortress siege game.

The two factions in the game are the Order (humans) and the Unchained (orcs and potentially other monsters). Between the two, Fischer told me there will be dozens of champions to choose from by the time the game launches. In addition to the champion, at the start of the game, players have a chance to lay out their card deck to determine what types of minions and equipment they’ll have access to during the match. The minions follow the traditional Orcs Must Die! mentality - get to the other side and don’t avoid enemy traps (take it like a man).

Hands on Impressions

During my hands on time with the game, I played as one of the offensive melee champions, Bloodspike. In addition to being able to hack and slash my way through the enemy minions, I also had the ability to buff any friendly minions near me (my own, or my teammates) with a speed boost that lets us traverse more quickly. The gameplay was fast, fun and frenetic. As in the other Orcs Must Die! games, as I was pushing forward toward the enemy fortress and killing minions and champions, I was earning money to then spend on traps and upgrades on the cards I chose at the beginning of the game. The exciting part is that there isn’t a “wave break”, so you are doing all of the trap placement, card upgrades and minion summoning in real-time as the enemy champions are bearing down on you. I can’t properly put into words how fun the gameplay was, and it didn’t show the repetitiveness of traditional MOBA’s.

As to the technicals of the game, it’s been in development for the past year, and was built from the ground up with the Unreal engine. Despite the look and familiar textures in the game, as a whole it’s beautiful, and aesthetically pleasing. The game is in the technical alpha phase, and if you buy into the Founder’s Program you can get your hands on the alpha right away. Fischer expects them to hit a closed beta milestone in the summer and a release in the fall. Knowing the past issues Robot Entertainment has had with consoles, I asked him if they had plans to release on any other platforms besides the PC. His response was ambiguous, but akin to saying “We have nothing to say officially, but it would be close-minded to think that, in the long run, this would still be a PC-only game.” (paraphrased)

The Robot Entertainment booth was large this year, and had full lines the entire weekend. Before heading off I watched the previous group of players surrounding Robot Entertainment’s Community Manager, Justin Korthof. The excitement showed by the group was borderline-giddy. As he seemed unfazed, I asked Justin if that had been the typical reaction amongst the show attendees after playing, and his answer was a definitive yes. Korthof also expressed his own excitement over all of the remaining champions that weren’t shown off at PAX East, and how he couldn’t wait for players to get their hands on them.

The Verdict

I couldn’t be happier with my time with Orcs Must Die! Unchained. Bested only by Evolve, it was one of my top two games I saw at PAX East. Needless to say, I can’t wait to pick this up. If you want to hear more of my opinions on the game, I discussed it in detail on both episodes 32 (Podcasting Evolved) and 32.5 (PAX East Recap) of our vid/podcast Still Got Game.

-- Derek "DSmooth" Nolan

I attended PAX East for 2old2play last weekend.  And while I work on writing up some of the great stuff I saw, take a quick look at what the Penny Arcade Expo had to offer.  This is about the one time of year I still use an actual camera!

Sneaking down the back way to the Expo Floor.

Only at PAX can you literally check your head!

Apparently the head chef at the Westin studied up on gamer grub.

In case you were having March Madness bracket withdrawl, the Omegathon has you covered.

Keep your eye out for Bonus Sodas coming to Xbox One soon!

The Monster was a lot less scary than the 3+ hour lines to actually see any of the stuff in their booth…

A shark, a monkey, and whatever that pink thing is walk into a bar...

Sit here and try our game while you admit you bring your touch device in the can to thousands
of people walking by on the expo floor!

Extreme Gaming Oatmeal was a popular swag bag item.  Mmm oatmeal and 27 new cards for Cards Against Humanity.

PAX also features live music. Friday night’s headliner Anamanaguchi.

Its not PAX without panels.  This shot is from Wordscapin’-How the Hell Do You Balance a Word Game?

And of course there’s a balloon version of the umm well we’ll call him a robot juicer for those
of you not familiar with Penny Arcade.

-- Erin "ErinAS" Seiden

Pinball had a surprisingly large presence in at the Penny Arcade East Expo this year both in pure and video game forms. Here’s a quick flip through what was on the floor.

The Pinball Arcade

New to PAX East (or perhaps I somehow missed them in previous years) was The Pinball Arcade, showing off some of their virtual tables for their PC, console, and mobile OSes. They had actual the actual physical tables for Ripley’s Believe it or Not and Harley Davidson available for players to get some hands on silver ball time before checking out their virtual cousins. A bunch of playable virtual tables were running on Xbox and Android in their booth.

I checked out Attack from Mars on Xbox and was impressed with the graphics and speed. I also really liked the aspect ratio which is always tough to get right in a pinball simulation. Not sure if it helped that I was standing up playing instead of sitting on my couch. Luckily I will get to find out for sure soon as they were offered codes to anyone that signed up at PAX for four tables on the OS of their choice. I am looking forward to checking out Tales of the Arabian Knights, Theater of Magic, Ripley’s Believe it or Not, and Black Hole on Steam on my new Windows 8 tablet. They  have a bunch of other table packs available for purchase the I’m looking forward to checking out.  

ACAM Classic Arcade Room

The American Classic Arcade was back with an old skool arcade setup on level 1 of of the Expo hall. A bunch of classic arcade machines take the short trip down from their museum home in New Hampshire (hosted at Fun Spot) for PAX East each year. Maybe one day the infamous Donkey Kong cabinet where Steve Wiebe “defeated” absent Billy Mitchell in the documentary King of Kong:  A Fist Full of Quarters will make the trip! They had all sorts of classic arcade titles as well as 3 electro mechanical pins all available on free play. The pins available were a 1979 Gottlieb Solar Ride, 1979 Williams Flash, and a 1973 Williams Fun Fest. Take a look at everything ACAM brought to 2013 PAX East in the video below.

Playin’ Pinball with Lord Karnage Panel

There was even a whole panel devoted to pinball on Sunday morning titled Playin’ Pinball with Lord Karnage.  I didn’t actually make it to this one as it was the same time as another panel I was covering but being on top of the New England pinball leagues I'm familiar with World Pinball Champion Bowen Kerins and PAPA TV ( the pinball industry’s destination for competitive pinball coverage, expo seminars, product reviews & more) so I’m sure it was an interesting one.  Hopefully it was popular and I can make it next year!  Here’s the overview from the PAX Guide.

Playing pinball is more than flipping, flailing, and watching the ball go down the middle. Reigning world champion Bowen Kerins will help you play better. Joining him are the two Marks: Mark Steinman, “King of Pinball”, creator of PAPA TV, and Mark Bussler, “Lord Karnage”, creator of Classic Game Room. We’ll play the games and give out prizes while talking about CGR’s series of gaming videos and PAPA TV’s live broadcasting of pinball tournaments.

PANELISTS:
Bowen Kerins [World Champion, Professional & Amateur Pinball Association], Mark Steinman [Director, Professional & Amateur Pinball Association], Mark Bussler [Intergalactic Space Arcade Manager, Classic Game Room]

Rollers of the Realm

An awesome title in the Indie Mini Booth was Rollers of the Realm. Phantom Compass is an indie game studio that’s worked on titles for other companies in the past. Their first endeavor into making their own games has already won a bunch of awards from at shows ranging from GDC to SXSW.  The gameplay combines pinball and RPG mechanics which sounds strange but worked well and was a lot of fun. Tables are laid out in sections like levels you have defeat. A story complete with cut scenes unfolds as you progress through levels. Different classes of characters are available to choose which will affect ball mechanics giving them unique sizes and weights. I’m looking forward to playing when its available later this year. The title has already been greenlit on Steam.

-- Erin "ErinAS" Seiden

The Indie MEGABOOTH seems to get bigger and bigger every year at PAX East.  This year the Indie Mini Booth alone had almost 30 games. I spent most of my floor time there since the lines aren’t as insane as for the AAA studios and you can actually get your hands on some games.

I also tend to like indies a lot more since they’re still making point and click adventures or experimenting with other cool story driven games. I started out my early access press hour there and was able to get some hands on quiet time with several games.

Fire Hose Games

My first stop was Boston based Fire Hose Games who were showing off their in-beta Facebook game, Let’s Quip, as well as the first indie game from their accelerator program Catlateral Damage. I’m already in the beta for Let’s Quip. It's the first Facebook game I’ve played more than once. There’s a press quote for their launch! The game pits you against friends or random players in word battles where you have to explain why your word is better than your opponent’s.  Friends and other players then vote on which answer they like the best and if you win your match you get coins and bragging rights. You can sign up for the beta here.

Catlateral Damage is a “First Person Cat Simulator” with the goal of knocking as many of your owner’s possessions around as possible. Sounds pretty realistic to me!

Surprise Attack Games

Vertiginous Golf, developed by Surprise Attack Games, was inside the Indie MEGABOOTH  at the Indie Mini Booth. Aptly titled this was definitely a vertigo inducing golf experience, especially with Oculus Rift support. The booth was staffed by developers in steampunk garb and kilts (the male version of booth babes?) and they also had some nice steam-punked out Xbox controllers for hands on play.

I tried with both the traditional Xbox controlled version and again with the Oculus Rift head set. Oculus literally added another dimension to the game play and made it a whole lot more interesting. I have been somewhat anti 3D gaming but I have to admit it was fun. I was terrible at the game but it was still awesome to wander around the environment and watch your shots in an immersive 3D experience.

Rocket 5 Studios

The husband and wife team at Rocket Five had my personal game of show with The Phantom PI Mission Apparition demoing in their booth. Its a puzzle adventure game where you play as a private investigator wandering through a haunted mansion. The way the levels were set up reminded me a bit of Double Fine’s The Cave as far as perspective and having to double back once you found objects.

The art was great and while there was no actual dialog there were notes and goal cards you come across as you play. I actually picked up a really neat pack of physical versions of the collectible cards with clever info and awesome art from “Rocket 5’s artists friends from across North America.”  Can’t wait to get my hands on the game!

Vlambeer

I didn’t actually see Vlambeer on the floor but I attended a panel their Chief Executive of Business and Development Rami Ismail was part of and he was a freakin’ riot so I checked them out when I made it home. Their most popular title to date Ridiculus Fishing gained extra attention when it was cloned before they could port it for iOS. They seem to create lots of addicting old skool games and they’ve done in a title in the Serious Sam franchise.

Dejobaan Games

Dejobaan was at PAX showing off their released titles as well as an intriguing upcoming one Elegy for a Dead World. Being a sucker for story-based games, I am super psyched for this one.  The twist here is instead of playing a story, you are actually writing one. You explore dead planets and write to keep them alive.  From the game’s site:

They sent a poet.
The scientists, historians, and statesmen never arrived.
Three worlds, each home to a long-dead civilization.
You must be the speaker for these ancient peoples.
Write whatever you are moved to by their landscapes.
Write to share the joys and sorrows buried in their rubble.
Write what you can imagine of their origins, existence, and fates.
Your word is all that keeps these worlds from being forgotten.

Combining my love of video games, dystopian literature, and writing its like they stole this from my brain! I’m  not sure if this is a shut up and take my money moment or if I should ask them for royalties...

Proletariat Games

Another Massachusetts studio, Proletariat Games may finally make this the year I throw some mobile gaming into the mix. Their first title World Zombination is due out for iOS, Android, Mac and PC in 2014. They had a playable build that looked pretty good when I got to check them out on the floor. In this free to play game you have the choice of choosing your faction and fighting with the humans or zombies.

There’s a world map where you can chose cities to fight your battles in tower defense (or destruction) style game play. The map uses real time data from other players also in the game to determine which faction has control of a particular city. I chose to play for the zombies and ended up in a city attacking to take control of hospitals from the humans. You can unlock cards to add different character abilities to your zombie or human hordes.

One of my favorite PAX moments this year was seeing a cosplayer dressed as Michonne from The Walking Dead playing the game. I hope she got one of the zombie selfies they were creating for people who used #WZSelfie on twitter during PAX.

Brace Yourself Games

I feel like if you weren’t from Boston in the Mega Booth this year you were probably from Canada eh. America’s hat seems to have both east and west coast indie presences. Vancouver based Brace Yourself Games was showing off Crypt of the Necrodancer.  This is a “hard core dugeon crawling (roguelike) rhythm game.”  Had I not seen it hands on my first reaction that would have been wait what?!  It looks pretty cool and bonus points for getting  to dust off your old DDR pad!  The game will even let you add your own MP3s while playing.  Its due out on Steam in 2014.

-- Erin "ErinAS" Seiden

There have been at least 5 South Park games released on various platforms since the late 90s, mostly to mixed reviews. Can the new RPG South Park Stick of Truth finally break their mediocre games curse?

Setting the Scene

I picked up my copy as a physical disc for Xbox 360 (its also available for PS3 and PC). I wish it had been available for next gen systems, just to give my PS4 something to do, but it doesn’t really have any new features that could be improved with new hardware: it’s not like the South Park art style needs updated graphics hardware. I was really annoyed that there wasn’t even a book with the disc. At least give me a map of what button does what so I don’t have to keep googling it as I am learning the game!  Damn kids and your downloads, get off my lawn!

The most recent season (Season 17) of South Park sets up the game. It has a three episode penultimate story arc that parodies Game of Thrones and the video game console wars in an epic Black Friday showdown. You don’t necessarily have to watch these episodes to play the game (I didn’t realize that was a thing and watched them after I played) but they do set it up really well and add to the jokes.

Entering the South Park Universe

The game basically amounts to playing through a 12ish hour episode of the show. There are many references to old episodes and lots of pop culture skewering just like the series. I am a South Park fan, though haven’t kept up with watching regularly since the seasons were in single digits. This wasn’t a problem for getting the jokes, and they brought back a lot of really old references, so I felt like I got most of the inside stuff.

In Stick of Truth you play as The New Kid and join forces with the usual cast of characters from the show. Each kid has chosen a character identity from wizard (Cartman), elf (Kyle), paladin (Butters), to all the other cliches from RPGs.  As with most things South Parks its hard to distinguish where the line between parody and homage truly is.

As New Kid, you get to build your own South Park style image. There were enough options for skin color, hair, etc., that I probably could have made a South Park version of myself. While you can create a character that looks like a girl and give her a feminine name, the story line forces you into a male once you exit the character creator. For my character, I made the South Park equivalent of Trent Reznor. Pro-tip: I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about what to name your character.  

You also choose your class up front and have the options for Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew. This determines what special weapons and abilities are available to your character. I played through as a Jew which granted special abilities like circum-Scythe, Jew-Jitsu, and the Plagues of Egypt.

Sights & Sounds & Systems

Probably one of my favorite aspects of the game was the audio. Both the music and sound effects were superb.  They totally ripped off the Skyrim quest notification noises. For the score there were plenty of old favorites to be heard throughout the game like Chocolate Salty Balls, Montage, Kyle’s Mom, and Taco Flavored Kisses (which is now permanently embedded in my brain).  They also seem to have all the original voices (which I guess isn’t too hard since most of them are Stone and Parker). Chef even makes an appearance, so they must have been able to cobble together his dialog from old episodes.

The art style is the same as the show as well. Mostly cartoony but every once in a while full resolution art is hanging in the environments. My favorite was the ad for David Hasselhoff’s nose in Tom’s Rhinoplasty.

The menu system for the game is basically a Facebook parody. You get achievements for gaining friends as you traverse South Park and they post to their walls and you can see it in your feed. Kinda neat but you could only passively interact and not post anything (wait come to think of it I wish a lot more people in my own Facebook feed had that problem!)

NO KITTY, THAT'S A BAD KITTY!!!

While the game was mostly a lot of fun, there were a few things that annoyed me.  

The map was a nice way to see the layout of South Park but I didn’t feel like the markers for missions and other points of interest really stood out. This sometimes made it difficult to figure out where you were supposed to be going next. 

To explore South Park, you enter all the various homes and businesses in the town. Most of the homes have a bathroom and it took about 3 hours before I remembered where the heck the door out of the bathrooms were. It just didn’t seem like the right angle/place you came in. There were also a few bugs, late in the game, where some of the battles no longer had music playing in the background.

Another annoying aspect was the game kept changing my damn clothes (not sure if that’s a bug or a reference to an episode I didn’t see). Your clothes amount to armor so you choose them for abilities. There were at least 3 or 4 missions that changed my clothes on me and then I had to go through a bunch of menus for 5 minutes to redress myself. One time I even lost my black eye, which I had given the character when I created him. WTF?!

Gameplay

The gameplay style is fairly traditional RPG. Its definitely skews to the on rails/short length side. There are a few optional side quest missions like collecting all the Chinpokomon toys (my fav was Velocirapstar) or capturing Man Bear Pig for Al Gore.

As with the story, the game play often makes fun of popular game franchises. You can tell the guys at Obsidian and South Park know their video games. I had to look up what Riposte was as its part of their battle system. Woohoo insult sword fighting a la Monkey Island. There’s also a “Hot Coffee” mission as an homage to the infamous Grand Theft Auto Easter Egg. To  befriend the goths you need to learn to “dance” and similar to DDR there’s a beat match mechanic (with Guitar Hero sound effects if you miss notes) as you drink coffee and smoke cigarettes in time to their music. My favorite slam was their piss take on Bioshock’s audio logs.

The battles are setup so you can use magic, weapons or special abilities. The magic system is based on learning different farting techniques like Dragon Shout or Cup a Spell. These are kinda of a PITA to first learn but once you have it down its not so bad (again an instruction book with my disc would have been nice!). Farts are basically modelled after the Dragon Shouts in Skyrim.

Most of your enemies each only have 3 or 4 attacks, which are funny the first few times but get old after coming up 5 or 6 times in the same turn based battle. I’m pretty sure “Re-prioritizing Task List” from the gnomes arsenal is my own personal best weapon in my real life day job though!

In true South Park fashion this game is not for the politically correct or easily grossed out. In fact, there’s a hidden achievement called Too Far that I don’t think goes nearly as far as the alien abduction, Mr. Slave, or bedroom missions. Much like South Park, this game is only to be enjoyed when the kids are in bed.

So Should You Go On Down to South Park?

This is by far the best South Park video game I’ve played. It’s basically  an interactive episode so I really enjoyed the story and jokes. The battles got a tedious after a while but I guess happens with a lot of RPGs.

If you like South Park just run out and get this now. If you hate South Park, you will hate this game. If you are somewhere in between you’ll probably enjoy it as long as you can stomach the over the top stuff. It's solid but with some bugs, so I’ll give it our second slot with Price Drop.